Fairies GASP
by Jacobblacklover
Summary: Vampires, werewolves,and fairies? OH MY! Do please come in and laugh at some corny jokes and misuse of all the Twilight characters. You know you want to. Caution: I have a strange and sometimes Scary sense of humor.
1. Chapter 1

This is dedicated to the girls who worked on WHERE'S EDWARD?SLAP on twilight lexicon before it was deleted. This is written sorta like that was . Oh, and I only dream about owning Twilight.

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Bella: Okay, so Edward? 

Edward: yes

Bella: If there are vampires and werewolves...what else?

Edward: what do you mean?

Bella: Well what else? Just tell me now so I'll know.

Edward: Sorry, love. No more freaks at the circus.

Bella: Seriously? Darn.

Edward: huh?

Bella: so are you 100 sure fairies _don't _exist?

Edward: No..._why?_

Bella: okay but don't get mad.

Edward: _BELLA?_

Bella: Well, this isn't my fault

**Bella leads Edward up to her room and points at the closet, then hides behind him**

Bella: Okay, open it.

Edward: What's in it?

Bella: ARE YOU SCARED! Just look!

**Edward opens the closet door and thousands of fairies fly out**

Fairies: Bella! BELLA! BELLA!

Bella: Edward can you make them stop now! There kindda creeping me out!

Edward: Um...are they...FAIRIES!

Bella: Yes, now please make them go away!

Edward: No Way! Fairies are awesome!

**He** **tries to catch them but he ends up squishing them. Eww! He's got this nasty fairy paste on his hands!**

Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**The fairies keep getting caught in her hair and buzzing around her head**

Edward: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!

**The fairies come together, scoop Bella up, and carry her away. Don't look so surprised, she was bound to get kidnapped again soon anyway**

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Okay how was that? Stupid? Should I just cut my hand off so I may never write again? REVIEW! Or the fairies will come to get you! Mahahahahahahaahahaah 


	2. Chapter 2

This is to my friend Emma who laughed at me and told meto keep writing! She will be reading this soon so let me leave her a messege. HI! EMMA! SEE YOU LATER! COUGHCOUGHSTUPIDCOUGHCOUGH! I don't own twilight!

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_** CHAPTER TWO**_

Edward: BELLA!

**The nasty fairy junk is really sticky and his hands are stuck to Bella's wall.**

Alice: OMG! WHERE'S BELLA! I just had a vision--

Edward:--to late.

Alice: Dammit! Why are you still here?

Edward: fairy glue made my hands stick to the wall.

**Alice snickers and tears his hands from the wall. There's this huge hole in wall with more fairy junk around it. Alice and Edward stare at the wall for a moment.**

Edward: I could have just did that myself!

Alice: Shut it.

Edward: we can't just leave it like that.

**Alice points to a pile of posters in the corner of the room.**

Alice: Chill, we'll use one of those to cover the wall.

**Edward grabs the first one and Alice whistles when she sees it. Its some sort of underwear model poster but Edward tears it up really fast. **

Alice**:( in a mocking tone **) That's one side of Bella we never knew.

Edward: Oh shut up and grab another one.

Alice: Touchy. This one will be fine.

Edward: What is it?

Alice: Ummmm...I think it's a fish?

Edward: Let me see.

**They stare at the poster, which is one of those ones where if you stare at it long enough you'll see the hidden picture.**

Edward**:( mumbles) **unicorn?

Alice: no way it looks like----

Edward: Hello? Bella?

Alice: Right.

**They hurriedly slap the poster on the wall .**

Edward: Do we even know where Bella is?

Alice: of Course. The place where magic lives.

**Gives a little smile.**

Edward: Your kidding me? There?

Alice: Yep! We're going to Disney World!

**High in Cinderella's castle at Disney World...**

Bella: ummmm...can I go now?

King Fairy sitting on Bella's nose: Nope.

Bella: now?

King Fairy: sorry, still no.

Bella: Okay but what if I give you this nice...

**Digs in her purse and finds her pepper spray. She closes her eyes and sprays him. **

King Fairy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURN!

**Bella starts to run but trips and knocks herself out. Bella, Bella, Bella? What are we going to do with you?**

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Better? Worse? Any segggestions? 

Bella will spray you with pepper spray if you don't review!


	3. Chapter 3

**I **don't **own twilight**. How stupid can you be if you for a minute **I own twilight**. And if I was Stephanie Meyer I would be faithfully writing Eclipse for us or anything but this. Okay got it. **I do **not **own twilight**.

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Chapter three:

**On their way to Disney land!**

Edward: We, the sparkling vampires, are going to the sun shine state?

Alice: We're going to have to. We could just cover our salves completely and we could... we could...hay! Don' t you think you should tell Charlie that Bella isn't going to be around for a while.

Edward: Maybe you should.

Alice: Why me:

Edward: Because I don't want to tell my girlfriends gun holding, licensed to shoot me father that his daughter was carried away by fairies. And Charlie loves you.

Alice: You wuss. It's not like he can hurt you and yes, Charlie treats me like a second daughter.

Edward: His bullet will not wound my body but my soul.

Alice: What? Stop trying to be so deep! you just don't want to be shoot is all.

Edward: Nobody has ever told you Charlie has the hots for you?

Alice: UGH! That is so wrong on so many different levels. You can't know that.

Edward: I can read minds Alice, and Charlie seems to have forgotten that your suppose to be an minor.

**Alice looks disgusted . Charlie suddenly walks in and looks around them.**

Charlie: Oh hi. Have you seen my daughter?

Edward: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

**Pushes Alice toward Charlie. Alice shoots Edward an evil look.**

Alice: Charlie. can Bella go on a little trip with us? We promise to have her home before school? Please?

Charlie: Are YOU going on this trip?

Alice: um, yeah.

Charlie: That's too bad, Alice. I was really hoping we could have dinner tonight. To, you know, catch up and all that.

**Charlie steps forward and rubs Alice's arm from her shoulder to her wrist. Alice wants to die.**

Alice: ummm...uh I have to go...to meet Bella...uh so we can go...on that trip thing. Bye.

**Alice packs a small bag for Bella in super himan speed and drags Edward out of the house.**

Edward: If you marry Charlie and become Bella's mom...then what would that make us?...

Alice: Don't hurt your self thinking about the impossible.

**Edward shakes his head sadly.**

Edward: Really Alice, What would Jasper say?

**Jasper comes running toward them.**

Jasper: what would Jasper say about what?

Alice: Oh, nothing. Hay, you wanna go to Disney world? Going to save Bella again.

**Jasper's eye twitches.**

Japers: Disney world? **(twitch)**

Alice: yeah. Are you okay?

Jasper: **( Twitch.)**

Edward: what's your problem?

Jasper: I always wanted to go to Disney world but Esme never let me.(**twitch)**

Alice: why?

Jasper: Too many people. **(twitch)**

Alice: hay, I'm sorry. I'll bring you back Mickey's autograph.

Jasper: Kay

**Then he was gone. Alice and Edward quickly packed their bags and boarded a plane for Florida.**

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**In Cinderella's castle at Disney World...**

Fairy King: You put pepper spray in my eyes.

Bella: yes. Yes I did.

Fairy King: That's' not cool.

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Okay. It's 11:56 at night so I have to turn in. By the way, if you don't review I'll have no choice but to kill Bella or...Edward. Mahahaha mahahahahaha 


	4. Chapter 4

I hate picture day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And science fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I no own twilight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Edward: NO DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT ANY PENUTS!!!!!!

Stewardess: ummm...okay, sir.

**She hurried off.**

Alice: what was that about?

Edward: She was stalking me.

Alice: yeah...well we'll be off this plane soon , so just hold on a little longer.

Edward: Why'd you have to take that trunk? We'd be out of the airport even sooner if we didn't have to stop and wait for that.

Alice: ohhhh...nothing. **Wicked grin**.

Edward: oh God, not this again.

Alice: maybe it is full of blood, so what ? Where did you expect us to hunt in Disney World? Huh? Were we going to kill Mickey Mouse?

Edward: Do you remember the last time we took blood on a plane?

Alice: How was I suppose to know dogs can sniff out blood?

Edward: THEY STRIPP SEARCHED US ALICE!!!!!!!!!!!!( **people turn to stare at them so Edward whispers now**). that women took more time then necessary!!!!!

Alice: I'll be more careful this time. Okay?

Edward: that police women touched me in inappropriate places and that's not just something that someone can easily forget!!!!!!!

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**Disneyworld...**

Bella: I'm bored.

Fairy King with patch over his eye: yeah me too

Bella: hay? why did you take me anyway?

Fairy King: because you're a witch.

Bella: What?!! I know you didn't just call me what I think you just called me!

Fairy King: ummmm...anyway, witches attract magical beings. Especially Brownies. Do you trip a lot?

Bella: Why would a delicious desert cause me to trip? Please.

Fairy king: Not those types of fairies. The kind I'm talking about are kindda like evil fairies.

Bella: IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! ( she trips) DAMN YOU BROWNIES! DAMN YOU!

Fairy King: There aren't any Brownies in the room.

Bella: shut up.

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Help me reach my goal of 50 reviews!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes if you don't know what to say you don't leave reviews so let me tell you it's okay if you leave me one word reviews or totally randows reviews that don't have much to do with my story!!!!!!!!!!!!!(though I'd rather you actualy reviewed my story) 


	5. Chapter 5

Hi every one! I'm going to a Tamora Pierce signing!!!!!!!!!!!! yes! I'm making a shirt that says " I got my spy skills from Tamora Pierce. Ooops! Now I have to kill you." and then " Tamora Pierce rocks my socks". I have no time to have written Twilight. Review.

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Mickey Mouse: Welcome to Disneyworld!!!!!!!!!!

Alice: ( to Edward) I promised Jasper a picture. ( to Mickey) Hay take a picture with me!

Mickey: Sure, Alice

Alice: Thanks...wait. How do you know my name?

Mickey: You told me?

Alice: Um...no I didn't

Mickey mouse:...uh...uh...uh ( breaks out in a run, vampire speed.)

(Neither Edward nor Alice could catch him. Alice could whispered something to Edward. They pull the classic someone-distract-him-while-the-other-finds-a-Minnie-oustume-and-tackles-him. Random people just cannot run around tackling Mickey. But Minnie...)

Alice: Now for the unmasking!!!!! ( evil laugh)( she does it)

Edward: JACOB BLACK!!!

Alice: Da DA DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward: STFU ALICE! Where did you even get that suit?

Alice: ;)

Random kids: Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're hurting Mickey Mouse!!!!!!!!!!!!( little kids begin to swarm them. They have such sticky hands!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD THE HANDS!!!!!!!!!)

Random little girl: they must be punished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward/Jacob/Alice: RUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Bella: Okay. I'm a witch...DO I HAVE MYSTICAL POWERS?!?!?!?! mahahaMAHAHAHAHA!!!

Fairy King: yeah. Pretty much.

Bella: Whoot!!! Like what? What can I do?

Fairy King: ummmmmmmmm...you can have whatever you want, just by thinking it.

Bella: hmmmmmm...( A naked Edward appears in the room.)

Bella: success!

Edward: Bella! I found you! Wait? Where are my clothes?

Fairy King: ( Mutters) Maybe I shouldn't have told her she could do that, Damn.

Edward: Hay!!! What happened to Alice and Jacob! They were right here with me.

Bella: Jacob!!! Alice!!!!! ( they are suddenly there)

Alice: WOW!!!!!!!!! What happened? I kindda like this Minnie suit!

Jacob: You're alright!!!! We thought maybe they were planning to turn you!!!! How are the Cullens ...uh...not glittering? In the sun...?

Alice: Special stage makeup that covers our skin. We hardly ever do this because it's a pain to apply.

Jacob: oh. SO EDWARD...your wearing makeup right now? ( evil smirk)

Edward:( mumbling) shut up, dog boy.

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Sorry if my sense of humor is wack. Review. Any ideas on the whole Bella with magical powers issue? Review. You know you want to. Sorry my chapters are so short. REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Bella kindda scares me

disclaimer: I Do not OWN TWILIGHT. (subliminalmindmessegesrocks!!!!!!)

I dedicate this and all my stories in the future to those who actually like and review my stories. With out you my self esteem would go down the toilet and I'd be depressed and my parents would send me to get help and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have access to a computer there, so you would die not knowing the end of this!!!!! This has been a reminder of why you should leave me a review.

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_Edward_: **( trying to cover himself with a throw pillow and not seceding.) **ummmmmmmmm...Bella we should go now . We don't want this makeup to rub off and Charlie will worry if we stay too long.

_Bella_: You worry too much , Edward! We're in Disney World!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's have some fun!!!

_Alice_: I don't know Bella. We could start to glitter in the middle of the crowd!

_Bella_: ugh!!!( **suddenly Edward and Alice are dressed entirely in black, with no skin showing.)**

_Edward_: YES!!!! Clothes!

_Jacob_: yes!!! Edward's got clothes!!!!

_Edward_: growl...

_Alice_: BELLA I CAN'T BE SEEN IN THSES CLOTHES. YOU PICKED **_Them _** OUT DIDN'T YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TAKE ME OUT OF THESES UGLY CLOTHES**( screams in horror)**

_Bella_**:( Changes her outfit and mumbles**) they're not that bad...

**Alice's new outfit is an ankle length red skirt with a black sweater with lace sleeves that are longer than her fingertips.**

_Jacob_: ummmmmmmmm...Bella? Where did the crazy fairy man go?

_Bella_: I don't care. His ugliness was getting on my nerves.

_Fairy king_: your face looks like a banoglo's bloxoe!!!!!!!!!!!

_Bella_: huh?!?!?!?!

_Fairy King_: yes.

_Bella_: What the hell!?!?!?!

_Fairy King_: exactly.

_Bella_: I don't like you.

_Fairy King: _well, you can kiss my-

**Bella makes the fairy king disappear . Jacob, Edward, and Alice all take a step away from Bella and share worried glances.**

_Bella_: do you all want to be next

**They all shake their heads.**

_Bella_: Good. Now, lets hit the park!!!!!!!!!

**For the next few hour/days/months/years ( I'm not really sure) Bella tows them all through the park and they begin to have fun. Jacob and Edward aren't talking but they're not clawing each others eyes out, so there's some progress there. **

_Edward_: Hay look! Airbrush tattoos, shall I get one with your name on my back?

_Bella_: awwwwww. sure and I'll get one with your name.

_Jacob_: Kill me please!!!

_Alice_: Quite, she might take you seriously. I think she cracked. Did you see the way she looked at the little mermaid after she said she was hungry for sea food?

**There's a problem the minute Edward has his sweater and tee shirt of. Girls begin to stare instantly and they inch closer.**

_Bella/Jacob/Alice/Edward:..._

**One incredibly beautiful girl ( but only on the human level) decades to move in on Edward. You stupid stupid girl, you!**

_Stupid girl_: oops!!!

**She spills her drink all over Edward's chest.**

_Stupid girl_: here, let me clean you up!!

**She pulls up a napkin and begins to dry his chest. The makeup begin to rubs off. Edward grabs her wrists but he's already glittering!!!**

_Edward_: Bella! Do something!!!

_Bella_: my pleasure!

**Stupid girl is gone but surrounding girls are getting closer.**

_Edward: _You can't just make them all disappear, love!!!

_Bella: _**( mumbles**) dammit ( **louder**) Then what do you want me to do!?

_Edward_: ANYTHING! Just hurry!

_Bella_: I DON'T KNow WHAT TO DO!

_Edward_: JUST DO THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND!!!!!!!!!!

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What will happen next you ask? Well, you won't find out till I have at least 7 review!!!!!! MAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I soooooo evil.

Looking for a good twilight fan site. Check out the one on my profile.

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	7. Chapter 7

-Chapter seven: Edward has a panic attack!!!!!

disclaimer: I DO not OWN TWILIGHT

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Emma who helped me greatly with the ending!!!

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**Out of sheer panic Bella does something that makes the hoard of girls go away...or at least most of them. There is still a small croud hanging around.**

Bella: All of you!!! What the hell are you staring at?!! Get lost!!

**They stumble back to their boyfriends, dazed and confused.**

Edward: Thanks Bella! What did you do to make most of them go away?

Alice: OMG BELLA! Couldn't you think of anything else but that?

Bella: I was panicked ! Edward was screaming at me and it was the first thing I could think of!

Jacob: What are you guys talking about? oh. ( **breaks out laughing)**

Edward: BELLA! WHAT. DID. YOU. DO. TO. ME?

Bella: ummmmmmmmmmmm...

**She digs into her purse to find a mirror and gives it to him.**

Edward: Bella! you didn't make me ugly did you? because if you did-

Bella: just look.

**Edward looks into the mirror at himself and at first didn't see what every one was talking about. But then he saw the color rising from his cheeks, the green of his eyes, and the bead of sweat forming on his brow. He was human.**

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**Now I bet your wondering what happens to people like stupid girl and the Fairy King when Bella makes them disappear, right? They go to the place they hate most. Lets see where they went, shall we.**

**Fairy King...**

Fairy king: ummmmmmmmmm...how did I get here? ( **screams in horror!!!)**OMG OMG OMG!!!

**He's at his ex-wives house. Mahahahahaha!!!**

**Stupid girl...**

stupid girl: ewww! Why am I wearing this tacky red vest?!?!

**She's rich and Bella sent her to work at K-MART. mahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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okay! I just wrote 2 chapters in two days!!!!!!!!!!!! If your confused, those girls were dazzled by Edward the vampire, but many could resist Edward the human if they had boyfriends!!! Thanxs for all the reviews! They help with the writing, and tell me if you have an seggestions!! Sorry this is so short but I promised i'd post as soon as the 7 reviews came in!!!! 


	8. Chapter 8

-1Chapter 8: Powerless and the Potty Dance

Hehe! I wrote this and the next couple of chapters in Social Studies so I'd like to dedicate this to my social studies teacher who does such a good job at keeping me bored and able concentrate on my writing and not on things like ( scoff) class. **I do **not **own twilight.**

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Bella: are you angry with me?

Edward: What do you think Bella? Change me back right now! Wait! Don't turn me back! Now we can be together and I don't have to change you! Bella your a genius!!!

**He grabs her and kisses her, and hisses her, and kisses her...must go on?**

Jacob: okay, okay. Break it up. I still don't like you Cullen.

Alice: ( **to Jacob**) are you talking to me or him ( **to Edward**) I can give you a couple of reasons why this is really stupid.

Edward: oh, really? Like what?

Alice: You'll die while the rest of us "live" on

Edward: and?

Alice: you would have to face the volturi (**I'm not sure if I spelled that right**)in a couple of years.

Edward: Carlisle and Emmit can deal with that.

Alice: ( **flustered now**) well, Bella would fall on her ass a lot

Edward: she managed 16 years with out me

Alice: okay. You know your not as hot as you were when you were a vampire? hmmmmmmmmm? How about that?

Bella: it's true, Edward. I wasn't going to say anything but I think you might have a zit on your forehead ( **poked zit**)

Edward: grrrrrrrr...fine turn me back.

Bella: sorry, no can do.

Edward: excuse me?

Bella: Don't you think I've tried already? It was the first thing I did. I think I might've over used my powers.

Edward: oh, great. Now, what?

Alice: ( **evil grin**) I could always change you the old-fashion way.

Jacob: No ones changing anyone while I'm around.

Edward: I don't plan on spending three days in agonizing pain in Disney world. Thanks but no thanks.

Bella: Don't worry Edward, I can make it up to you.

**She runs and comes back with a large snow cone and cotton candy.**

Eat!!!!

Edward: no tha-

**Bella stuffs cotton candy in his mouth. He chews in wonder and eats the snow cone in under thirty seconds.**

Bella: Do you forgive me?

Edward: Will you give me more food?

Bella: sure

Edward: Then I do.

Bella: oh this isn't so bad. We can do regular stuff now like walk in the sun and we'll be more equal!!!!!!!!!

Edward: Yeah, Bella, this can be the beginning of a whole new life for us!!! **( cheesy background music**)

**5 hours later**

Edward: I hate being human!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you stand it?

Bella: oh, your over reacting! what's up with you.

Edward: my nose is all sun burnt, I'm all sweaty and smelly, and I've

tripped almost as many times as you have today.

Bella: HAHAHA! Now you know how I feel!!!! Are you doing the potty dance?

Edward: excuse me?

Bella: it looks like you might have to use the bathroom

Edward: maybe?

Bella: well, go try

Edward: ( sigh) Bella...I don't remember how...

Bella: Jacob will help. Won't you Jacob?

Jacob: no.

Alice: just help him before he pees his pants

Jacob: He's a big boy. He can figure out how everything works.

Edward:( **Jumping up and down) **I realllllllllllllllllly have to go!!

Jacob:( **Mumbles**)fine

**They enter the men's room and it's twenty minutes before they come out.**

Bella: so...? How'd it go?

Alice: Edward you didn't wash your hands did you?

Edward: yeah

Alice:: Liar. VAMPIRES have supper smells remember!

Edward: I don't want to go back in there. I NEVER WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT BATHROO, AGAIN!!!!

Bella: Okay. You can wash your hands while we buy you some new clothes

Edward: I don't want to go new clothes shopping!!!!!!!!!

Alice: But now your powerless against me!!!!!!!!!!!! MAHAHAHAHAHA!

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reviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know you want to!!!!!!

I will not post again till I have 5 more reviews! The people in my head tell me thats the right thing to do.


	9. Chapter 9

-1Chapter 9: Blonds just wanna have fun

Once again, to my social studies teacher. And **I do **not **own twilight**.

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Alice: wow. Bella, don't you think that's the look for Edward?\

Bella: you were so right. Man purses do add the right touch to any outfit.

Edward: ha-ha. You've had your fun now cut it out.

Jacob: awww!!! But you haven't tried on the kilt or the yellow satin pants.

Edward: you are so died?

Jacob: was that a threat? You are so in for it. Girls?

Girls: hmmmm..?

Jacob: Don't you think Edward would look good as a blond?

( **collective gasps)**

Alice: Why didn't I think of it before?

Bella: I just don't know Alice. I can't picture him as a blond.

Alice: Trust me, you'll love it.

Edward: hello? unwilling victim here.

**At the Saloon**

Alice: alrighty!! Jacob why don't you say with Edward to make sure he, eh, doesn't give any one any problems. Bella, you and I will be getting pedicures.

Bella: sweet.

**Alice and Bella settle into chairs and dip their feet into bubbling water. A women enters the room.**

Women: I'm sorry but there'll be a bit of a wait. If you'd like you can have your fortunes told while you wait.

Bella: come on Alice, that sounds fun

Alice: Yeah, sure

**Just then a middle age women, that was extremely small, entered the room. She wore, of all things, a pirates costume and had a fake bird ( I think it was fake) on her shoulder. She is completely crazy. We shall call her crazy pirate lady.**

CrazyPiratelady: hello mattes!! Enjoying the water?

Bella: errr...yeah?

CPL( I'm lazy and get tired of writing out her full name): That's good, now I'm guessing your wondering why I'm dressed like a pirate.

Alice: I might have asked myself that.

CPL: I'm a chain smoker

Alice: sure...

CPL: I have six toes.

Bella: what does that-

CPL: So I'm guessing you want a reading?

Bella: That'll be great

They both hold out their palm.

CPL: NO!NO! I only read your feat!

Alice: why? ( **whispers to Bella**) I'd like to see any of her predictions come close to mine, the poor senile thing

CPL: Where else to find out about your past and future then your sole?

Bella: ha-ha sole! Get it Alice? Sole! Did you get it?

Alice: yeah, I got it Bells.

Bella: Do mine first, please

CPL: sure.

**She reaches into the tub and grabs Bella's foot. Bella giggles. CPL traces the lines on the bottom of her of her feet and tickles her.**

CPL: Awwwwwwww...I see now.

Alice: Please share your wisdom with us ( **whispers**) you crazy old bat.

CPL: Your reading has told me you are a witch and you have lost your powers. Is this right so far.

Bella: uhhhhhhh...maybe?

CPL: I can, of course, tell were you can find help.

Bella: sure. Tell me then.

CPL: You'll have to travel to see your grandmother Beth, who will have many answers for you.

Bella: I don't have a grandmother Beth.

CPL: That's what you think.

Alice: Don't listen to her Bella, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

CPL: OH REALLY? YOU THINK SO?

**She plunks Bella's foot back into the tub and whipped out Alice's.**

CPL: Lets see now. Your name is Alice Cullen, your have three siblings ( not including Bella), your a shop-a-holic, you find your husbands emo-ness attractive, you're immortal, and you have a perverse fear of dairy products.

Alice: uhhhhhhh...

Bella: **( giggles**) Stay back Alice, I have a cheese stick in my purse.

Alice: uhhhhhhhh...Bella, lets get out of here.

**They pay or their fortune, and go to get the boys.**

Bella: Hay, Jacob, is he done yet?

Jacob: Yeah, all the hairdressers are taking turns washing his hair now.

Bella: ummmm...right. Alice, go get your brother.

**Alice goes and retrieves one very soaked but blond brother.**

Alice: I told you he's look good.

Bella: You were so right. I have to make a phone call before we deicide were to go from here.

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Once again, any suggestions are welcomed and please review. OR ELSE!!!!! 


	10. Chapter 10

-1disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

Chapter 10: Grandmother dearest

Phone conversation between Renee and Bella

Ring, Ring, Ring

Bella: Hello

Renee: Bella is that you?

Bella: Yeah, mom, can we talk for a second.

Renee: Of course, but lets keep it short. Phil has a game in thirty minutes.

Bella: You know how you told me my grandmother, your mother, died when she was run over in an street race at her retirement home?

Renee: Tragic.

Bella: You didn't lie to me did you?

Renee: Why would I do that?

Bella: Because this family has problems and the possible answers to that question scares me

Renee: _(sighs_) Bella...

Bella: I know I probably won't like the answer to this question but why didn't you like her? You never talked about her

Renee: What's there to talk about?

Bella: argg...are you going to tell me where Beth is or not?

Renee: I don't want you visiting her!

Bella: So she is alive!

Renee: MAYBE...Believe me she's not the sort of person you want to meet!

Bella: And what sort of person is she?

Renee: She's crazy! She thinks she's a witch!

Bella: and?

Renee: When I was five she put me on a broom stick and pushed me off the ruff. " that's how I learned how to fly", she said! Give me a break!

Bella: Just tell me where she is ma, please.

Renee: _(sigh_) fine. She's in Alaska. She thinks she has friends who are vampires. really, I mean.

Bella: thanks mom, I'll find her.

Back at the Saloon

Alice: So do you have a grandma named Beth?

Bella: Apparently

Edward: And she's a witch too? She can help us?

Bella: I hope so.

Jacob: And now we have to go to Florida?

Bella: yup. And we'll be seeing the other vegetarians I've been told.

Jacob: Can we just go home now. I don't' mind Edward now that he's ugly, fragile and ugly.

Bella: sorry, Jake. This is something I have to do.

(**I'm getting tired of writing about traveling from place to place so...)**

Alaska

Bella: Brrr..it;s cold.

Edward: did you think it was going to be hot in Alaska?

Bella: Shut up. I'm just going to snuggle up with Jacob! He's so warm and cozy!

(_wraps herself around Jacob_)

Jacob: Wow. I like it here.

Edward: grrrr...

Alice: Do you know exactly where we can find Beth, Bella?

Bella: No, but you friends her should. If they don't I don't know where to even start looking.

Edward: couldn't we have called? I don't' want them seeing me soo...

Jacob: ugly? repulsive? ugly? unattractive? ugly?

Bella: I hardly think they would have believed what was going on over the phone.

Alice: well, we should be there in a few minutes. There house is a few miles into the woods for privacy.

Edward: Here it is now.

_( Their house is just as big as the Cullen's but can be described more as a lodge. )_

Bella: wow.

Alice: I know. Wait till you see the inside.

_(they knock at the door and a human women answers_)

Alice: ummm...we're here to see...

unknowomen: yes, yes. Come in.

Bella: your her aren't you, Beth?

Beth: Smart girl. I can see your nothing like your mother.

Jacob: How'd you know we'd be here?

Beth: I have my ways: What I don't know is why your here.

Bella: the problem is I turned my vampire boyfriend into a human and I need to know how to turn him back.

Beth: Oh. Your a witch. All you have to do is concentrate on-

Bella: ...maybe...sorta...kindda...I lost my powers

Beth: ahhhh.. You misused your powers.

Bella: maybe...I made a few people disappear

Beth: That's okay dear, what do you think happened to your grandfather.?

Bella: Okay well, how do I get them back?

_**Its been a long time since I posted. Sorry about that but because it seems not to be obvious let me say this. NO FLAMERS!!!! They make me not want to post. Ummmm...I don't' have my copy of twilight. Can someone tell me what Stephanie says about the vampire clan in Alaska. I purposely didn't mention them in this chapter because I didn't know their names...Review or Edward stays blond and ugly forever.**_


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